Knowing him for two minutes is not significant at all to a woman who feels that abortion is morally wrong for religious reasons. And should. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? Imagine the following scenarios. Those are very different things. Addie Pray Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. 2. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Um please feel free to disregard teh account representative, that may have been for something else haha. I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. SweetsAndBeats Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. To clarify, I am NOT living with HIV. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. I just personally get outraged that this is the case: that he would have to pay support regardless, but that she can opt out of it. What is he supposed to do to prove hes not scum? For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? People in healthy relationships dont say that. Chuck Pelto LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? 4. April 9, 2012, 9:23 pm. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. April 9, 2012, 11:46 am. I make no exception for men or women. He didnt marry you. He doesnt want anything to do with her? Want to be disappointed, read the comments first and then read the letter. Do you want to talk about how a baby is made? I didnt mean to imply it wasnt true, it just unfortunately isnt enforceable. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. The law does not say men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be. He has a choice he can be a father and split the responsibility with the mother instead of forcing her to have sole responsibility. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. The only thing you need to think about is if you can stay and have a healthy relationship with a man who has a child with another woman and wants to bear minimal responsibility for raising the child. In the long run, US ends up with what I like to refer to as the Feminist Mystake. Then, when you decided to get back together he wasnt so sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. My heart broke into a million pieces. April 9, 2012, 11:16 am, Oh, good lord. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you I could maybe understand if he was 19 and didnt know what to do. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. Well technically for me it was the way he reacted to his potential child and nothing about the way he treated the LW or the woman in the letter. If you want something different, you must do something different. If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. His response to my comment was all dont tell me what to do with my body. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. It just doesnt mean that everything will be acceptable whole-heartedly. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. I know Im not, but thats mainly because Im in a foul mood and feel feisty. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. lets_be_honest I Got Another Girl Pregnant Prank *WE BROKE UP SIGH* Only the fools. Hey, say what you want about the letter but dont diss my Twilight!!! | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Essence.com Advertising Terms. All it is is having someone served w papers requiring them by law to have a q tip swab their mouth. Everyone was always on the pill, or the condom broke and plan b didnt work, or things like that. What Your Breakup Will Tell You About Your Ex-Girlfriend - Luvze Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. And the internet is this perfect little anonymous bubble for people to shoot off their anger. Now? Have you noticed how people sometimes own up to having unprotected sex, but its always when they didnt get pregnant? Only a valid argument of youre completely unaware of how babies are made and that birth control does not prevent pregnancy but only reduces the likelihood. Personally, I wouldnt. Fury at the woman he impregnated is misdirected. Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. depressed, got back together, money. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. People who say that are codependent, melodramatic, or 15. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. I completely agree. I think theyre unfair in the same way that I feel its unfair to prevent women from having abortions, but thatss beside the point. Wow, thank you so much Lili. Now, I want to believe him, but in my rightful mind I know I will be so dumb to buy all that he is say. Thats seriously not cool. So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. Step away slowly. Guess what LW? at risk of STDs. My issue is even, at the very least, if you dont want to wear a condom.then pull out!!! But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. Have whatever sex you want. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. Will He Regret Losing Me? 14 Guys Share Their Breakup Regrets - Elite Daily Most guys with the level of responsibility that he is showing dont pay child support, anyway. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. If it is hers you bet she supports it. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. And I called him out on condom use because truly that should be something we all think about when having non-monogamous sex EVEN if the woman is taking another form of birth control. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. Welcome.In todays video I PRANK MY GIRLFRIEND !I GOT ANOTHER GIRL PREGNANT PRANK ON GIRLFRIEND. I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. Maybe that outrage will be the catalyst for you to start a political career in order to change these laws that you feel are so unfair. I assume from the debate that this has become a fact that was inferred due to the women being on birth control. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. You know what bothers me, if the lady wasnt pregnant would he have told you of the affair? For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! Not good enough. Are you kidding? If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. But the woman needs to be prepared to accept his involvement as strictly financial. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. Youve given me a lot to think about in terms of my views on raising children that come out of short term flings and im appreciative for the insight. John Rohan Why? Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. That is a risk women take. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. I totally understand. Once again its the way the LW and the bf (at least the way the LW is presenting his reactions) acted about the potential baby that are rubbing people the wrong way. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. April 9, 2012, 9:19 pm, Note I said 99% of PEOPLE in that situation, not women. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. Solved. The manner to which they have become accustomed is a reference to alimony, not child support. Dont force him to be. The fact that you just knew your boyfriend got another girl pregnant before you start dating him shows that both of you is lacking a good communication way. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. The fact the option to abort or not is a womans right is no secret. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. He has to fit the baby into their life, not the other way around. They look at it as their child, no matter who the mother is. LW, why in the hell would you want to get with this guy right now? I cried and felt so depressed. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. But dont be surprised if he gets slapped with child support responsibilities b/c he couldnt be responsible enough to prevent pregnancy it takes two. reader, Laura1318+, writes (25 January 2008): A Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? That is pretty much it. ha, Ive done too many drugs too. April 9, 2012, 12:23 pm. The pull out method? I dont think the actual equality is as you think it is, but even if I agree that it is, it has nothing to do with what happens early on in a pregnancy. If the other woman decides to have the baby, her now boyfriend will be liable for child support, which will significantly impact his finances (and their finances if they marry for the next 18 years. It is duplicated below. The adoption process has a pretty involved vetting procedure- meaning that birth parents can reasonably assume the child will be cared for by the adoptive parent or parents. from the letter: The 5 Top Giveaway Signs Your Ex Is In A Rebound Relationship - Vixen Daily I got angry because it's something he should have told me. female You mean, he should decide whether or not he leaves a kid constantly yearning for attention theyll never get? And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. You were on a break, not even completely seperated from the relationship, and he clearly has some space in that undying love for you to have unprotected sex with a stranger. The Truth About Rebound Relationships | Psychology Today It was her choice. . So on what grounds do you hold the carpenter for child support and let the IVF doctor walk? Steve Kellmeyer April 10, 2012, 10:20 pm. April 9, 2012, 6:47 pm. Both men and women create children. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. No, thats the kids money. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. You dont really get a say in this matter. The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. You want some advice? Its believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but thats a myth. He didnt expect that to happen. But clearly this woman who is keeping her child DOES really want the child and is presumably prepared to handle all that comes with having a child. 10. It seems like you would be even more concerned about this when sleeping with someone you are non-monogamous with. iseeshiny I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. I dont see anything wrong with his points. I dont think he is a bad person for telling a woman within the first trimester of a pregnancy that he barely knew and presumably made no false impressions to that he did not want a child and had no intention of being a part of that childs life. SpaceySteph How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? The way I figure, he can go ahead and have unprotected sex all he wants but I still maintain its a bad idea. New readers, welcome to Dear Wendy, a relationship advice blog. Susie is lost. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. She loved him back then but broke up with him over this but went back to him 20 years later thinking he grew up.2016. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. Also, if the other woman keeps the baby, this is going to provide significant insight into her boyfriends character that will help her make her decision. sorry, brain). You have to give up one or the other. Women Who Got Pregnant From A One-Night-Stand Share What Went Down Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. John Rohan But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. April 9, 2012, 7:31 pm, It is interesting that I have never met anybody with HIV who just magically got that way Instead, they have all been very upfront and honest about their mistakes I was careless Meaning they dont claim have been wearing a condom when they werent. Oh boy. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? landygirl That goes for women as well. So, she went out, hooked up with someone she knew briefly (which a lot of people do) and accidently got pregnant. However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. I get what youre saying. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. Hes so full of sh*t, I bet his eyes are brown. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. Addie Pray My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you Abortion does away with a potential baby- a life that will grow into a child if it continues to grow over the next several months-, and the other is walking out on an actual human being. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Hes made a choice. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? Couples break up for many reasons. lets_be_honest If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. BUT. Sounds like he is 40 and stupid and she is a user and tramp, based on what your story says. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. She didnt roofie him, Chuck. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. im not disagreeing with you. April 9, 2012, 11:08 am. He cant be irresponsible and fail to take every reasonable effort to avoid pregnancy (doubling up on BC and using condoms, getting a vasectomy, or only having sex with women he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt also do not want to bring children into the world), and then act surprised and angry when it happens anyways. If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. Way to break a young girl's heart. i am currently in an awful situation. LW, this guy sounds like a scumbag. I-RIGHT-I I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 9, 2012, 7:11 pm. -Got her pregnant Kind of sounds like it was written by an extremely immature middle aged woman. Its a double standard. it comes across really condescending and I think it makes people take your reasoning less seriously. Have you ever seen an episode of the Maury show or any other talk drama show? Its such a heated issue, because everyone knows someone that has some sort of baby-mama-drama on one side or the other. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. April 9, 2012, 6:41 pm, bittergaymark Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. Some said he deserved the label because he exposed the LW to STDs. But she can also at any time change her mind and he has no recourse. Your dad of course has had 25 years of having a daughter and being a grown up to teach him to have more sense. Steve Kellmeyer Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. No one should be shocked or angry when they become a parent after doing the exact thing that causes pregnancy. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. Furthest from the vagina, just saying. Now, yes, people will say: Forgive him. But cest la vie. Which brings me to my question for LW: You say your boyfriend is 40 years old, but how old are YOU? Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. Ill never leave you. She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallopBut I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. Well, there are more than a million people who have been unexpectedly pregnant in this country, so arguably those risks are higher. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). I think it is fair for him to be disappointed, angry and frustrated. This is so hard for me. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. 3 Things I Learned from Stopping All Communication After My Breakup He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): A slept with someone else. Grow the fuck up! What exactly would your perfect laws look like in regard to custody and child support anyway? Your logic is weird. John Rohan Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho. Shall I and all the other taxpayers? They should be used. She experiences an allergic reaction and has to be rushed to the hospital. You shouldnt be following so closely behind someone that if they were to suddenly slam on their brakes you wouldnt be able to stop (for a billboard, for a kid running across the street, because theyre being dicks, ect). Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. . Sorry for any confusion! He didnt come chasing after you. And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. What kind of 40 year old cant live without their SO. Instead, you pick on women and insinuate that were ~unreasonable or some shit. I just felt a huge blow of betrayal because I was waiting for him to talk to me again. I feel in a way he is essentially giving the child up for adoptionto the mother who wants the child. female But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? Francine Take this as a lesson learned. LOL What? She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. And you dont sound much better. My point is if you dont want kids there are always ways to prevent that he chose not to and now he can deal with the consequences. Just stay away from mens wallets. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom.. Read the comments. If I ever get pregnant and the dude wants nothing to do with the child, I will not force him. So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. Thats why we never used condoms. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. But then, I guess I like giving people the benefit of the doubt. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A Thats not the point here. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. Thats nature, Tim. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. Also, when you call people honey constantly or tell them to go read a lawbook(?) April 9, 2012, 9:23 am. As for you LW, Im not even sure exactly what youre asking. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. lets_be_honest April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. My Ex Jumped Into Another Relationship: Why? - With My Ex Again Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. Life isnt fair. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. That is not a legally binding document and is unenforceable. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. I love him so I'm willing to accept the baby. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. So he and the LW should break up for good. April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm. Merely that it is an immense expense for the man for a situation that he didnt want a situation which, as I said, the woman is never forced to endure. They came first. I think the LW and her ex would do better to break up for good. I know exactly what child support means, and you are discussing the post-birth situation, where there actually is a child who actually needs support. He explained that they were always arguing, and that they actually broke up when he first talked to me. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. 10 Signs Your Ex Is in a Rebound Relationship - Luvze Moorgate Station To Liverpool Street Station, Great Neck South High School Admission, Baylor College Of Medicine Emeriti Plan, Zeoworks Skins Slendytubbies 3, Rapididentity Usd259 Portal, Articles W
